Is Counselling Right for Me?
The idea of having counselling can sometimes feel quite daunting or unclear, if you haven’t experienced it before. You might not be sure if counselling can even help you with your problems, or what ‘type’ of counselling might be the right fit for you. You might not even be altogether that certain about what counselling is!
The decision is always yours as to whether or not you want to have counselling. It might be that you discover that counselling, or the way of counselling a particular counsellor offers, is not what you need right now. A counsellor will normally be open to discussing this with you in the initial consultation or assessment (and throughout your counselling experience). They may also be able to refer you on to other professionals who might be better suited to you and your needs.
“Powerful is our need to be known, really known by ourselves and others, even if only for a moment. ”
— Carl Rogers, founder of person-centred therapy
What even is counselling, anyway?
The easiest place to start might be learning what counselling is not. Counselling is not the same thing as advice. A counsellor is not able to tell you what to do about what is troubling you, or ‘how to fix’ anything that is going on in your life. Counselling (particularly person-centred counselling) is based on the philosophy that there are no specific “right” answers - rather, that you, as an individual, have the power to bring about change in your life. Counselling provides a calm, private and non-judgemental environment, between you and the counsellor, where you can express yourself and be understood. As this process - known as the therapeutic relationship - unfolds, we begin to walk the path of exploring your thoughts and feelings, and uncover how some of your earlier experiences, such as your childhood or past relationships, may have influenced the feelings, patterns or challenges that you face today. We might also look at your feelings towards yourself, how and who you see yourself as, and who you might like to become.
What do we do in counselling?
In your sessions, you might want to work on one specific goal or issue, which we can work towards. You might find that as you learn more about yourself, your goals change. You might not have any goals, and may just want to have space to figure out more about who you are, and what you want out of life. There is no one “right way” to experience counselling: it is as unique and individual as each person who seeks it.
What is the difference between ‘counselling’ and ‘therapy’?
These terms are used interchangeably, and generally mean the same thing. Typically, ‘counselling’ is the process of talking therapy; it can draw upon many modalities and takes place in a few different contexts. It is sometimes also similar to the concept of non-directive ‘guidance’. For example, a person may seek Christian or Jewish counselling with their faith leader, if they want to explore their issues in the context of their religion or faith. Another person may seek fertility counselling, bereavement counselling, career counselling, or a couple may seek couple counselling to work on their relationship together. Counselling tends to be shorter-term than therapy, and might be more likely to be person-centred or humanistic.
‘Therapy’ is short for ‘psychotherapy’, which tends to relate more to the use of psychological or psychodynamic approaches to talking therapy. ‘Therapy’ can also imply a process of ‘healing’ or bringing about positive personal change. A practitioner who refers to their work as psychotherapy might be more likely to practice trauma-informed work, and may make more use of exploring your past experiences in the work. Psychotherapy / ‘therapy’ generally also tends to refer to longer-term, ongoing work.
Will I feel better right away?
Not necessarily. It’s normal to feel a sense of relief during or after the first session, especially if you have been carrying a heavy emotional weight for some time. It’s also very normal to become upset in the first session, as you share what is troubling you.
Counselling is rarely a quick process, and, as we work together to sift through your feelings and experiences, difficult and painful emotions may well rise to the surface. Sometimes, being a client in counselling is downright hard work! A counsellor will normally work at your own pace, and with the material that you feel ready to work with that day.
Life is forever unfolding, and we are always in a state of ‘becoming’. To fully know ourselves is our life’s work. We may set goals to work on in therapy, and we may or may not achieve them. But as humans who are always learning and making mistakes, we are always a work in progress!
